Be aware that revenge, even though sometimes both attractive and merited, does not make things better. It doesn’t even really make you feel better, and the Tuukka rask is good shirt but I will buy this shirt and I will love this odds are very good that it will backfire spectacularly. Be aware of collateral damage. If this character assassination is happening in front of children or any actions you take in revenge happen in front of children, you will be enforcing tremendous collateral damage against people who have nothing to do with the problem children. Those children are likely to enlist under one or another persons in the conflict, and to try to take up that burden which will be inappropriate to their age, understanding, and capabilities, and it will cause them lasting harm. It may be, for that reason, that the best way to ‘play’ is not to ‘play.’ Realize that their choice is on them—you didn’t ‘make’ them decide to violate trust, you didn’t ‘make’ them decide to perform that character assassination, and the fault does not lie on you. So let them have the guilt, if you’re experiencing it. Be careful, in terms of social interaction, for some time. Rumors, particularly nasty ones, travel very quickly, to people who would otherwise not be a part of the situation or family. You may have to deal with a long period (years, even) where you are consistently mistrusted or poorly treated thanks to that character assassination. You’re in for the long haul, and you’re just going to have to put up with a certain amount of stupid bullshit from others. The good news is that being fairly careful to be ethical in your social interactions can act as a dampener on that rumor, making it harder for people that have met you to believe. So take care. Be nice to yourself. I’ve had to live for two decades with the character assassination from my family members, and it has not been an easy two decades recognize that the burden you bear with regard to it is unfair, unwarranted, and generally untenable and that you deserve to be kind to yourself because of the demands it places on you. So be kind to yourself, even if no one else will. How did the concept of family start? Human evolution made us into what we are today, there are times when we blame the society for a lot of things but the truth is the society and the rules were formed for several reasons. The major one was to make sure we do not get bored and have something to do.
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When I was growing up, my father insisted we have lunch together on Sundays. We all sat around a huge dining room table. The meal began at around 2:30 and we pushed back our chairs and hugged each other goodbye close to 6:00 p.m. Lunch on Sundays was often a drag – we all had places to be and other people we wanted to spend time with. We argued a lot. My father insisted on “elevating the Tuukka rask is good shirt but I will buy this shirt and I will love this conversation” which meant we were not allowed to gossip or say petty things about the people we had in common. Also, he did not allow side conversations – where one of us whispered to the person sitting next to us. It all had to be a single exchange, where everyone was listening, engaged and participating. It was regulated too you are really quiet today. What have you been up to?” or “OK, Dushka. Let others weigh in on that. We’ve already heard a lot from you. We talked about the book we were reading, how we were doing in school (and later, at work), or whatever we thought was unfair. We whined. At least once a month someone threw down a napkin and left the table in a display of indignation. The hours spent in that dining room were the only time I got to know this assortment of characters I call “family”. It was the only time I heard what they had going on, what mattered to them, or what they were irritated about. It was the time when I got to meet the people who were important to them, as we all often showed up with a friend or a significant other. Using his power and cunning he was able to secure the throne so that his sons inherited the kingdom. Then his grandson. Then his great-grandson. And so on and so forth, though not necessarily in a straight line. William’s direct descendants used their power and cunning to maintain that line. Sometimes, though, the cunning was missing, and luck came into it. There were uprisings and rebellions by non-family members and more than once, serendipity stepped in. Take King John, for example. John, William’s great-great-grandson was a horrible king. Even after being forced into Magna Carta, he managed to push all the wrong buttons. What saved his and his descendant’s claim on the throne? He got sick and died. The Barons basically went, “oh, well, that’s over. Let’s crown little Henry.” (not the vacuum cleaner)